Reinventing your Life: 11. "Catastrophe is about to strike", the vulnerability life trap

The vulnerability questionnaire

1. I cannot escape the feeling that something bad is about to happen.
2. I feel that catastrophe can strike at any moment.
3. I worry about becoming a street person or vagrant.
4. I worry a lot about being attacked by a criminal, mugger, thief, etc.
5. I worry about getting a serious illness, even though nothing has been diagnosed by a physician.
6. I am too anxious to travel alone on planes, trains, etc.
7. I have anxiety attacks.
8. I am very aware of physical sensations in my body, and I worry about what they mean.
9. I worry I will lose control of myself in public or go crazy.
10. I worry a lot about losing all my money or going broke.

The primary feeling associated with the vulnerability lifetrap is anxiety. Catastrophe is about to strike, and you lack the resources to deal with it. This lifetrap is two-pronged: You both exaggerate the risk of danger and minimize your own capacity to cope.

Types of vulnerability

1. Health and illness
2. Danger
3. Poverty
4. Losing control

Origins of Vulnerability 

1. You learned your sense of vulnerability from observing and living with parents with the same lifetrap. Your parents was phobic or frightened about specific areas of vulnerability (such as losing control, getting sick, going broke, etc)
2. Your parents was overprotective of you, particularly around issues of danger or illness. Your parent continuously warned you of specific dangers. You were made to feel that you were too fragile or incompetent to handle these everyday issues. (This is usually combined with Dependence)
3. Your parent did not adequately protect you. Your childhood environment did not seem safe physically, emotionally, or financially. (This is usually combine with emotional deprivation or with Mistrust and abuse.)
4. You were sick as a child or experienced a serious traumatic event (eg. a car crash) that led you to feel vulnerable.
5. One of your parents experienced a serious traumatic event and perhaps died. You came to view the world as dangerous.

Danger signals in relationships

1. You tend to select partners who are willing and eager to protect you from danger or illness. Your partner is strong, and you are weak and needy.
2. Your prime concern is that your partner is fearless, physically strong, very successful financially, a doctor or otherwise specifically equipped to protect you from your fears.
3. You seek people who are willing to listen to your fears and reassure you.

What is wrong with someone who will pamper and overprotect you. What is wrong with someone who will make you feel safe.

Vulnerability lifetraps

1. You feel anxious much of the time as you go about daily life because of your exaggerated fears. You may have generalized anxiety.
2. You worry so much about your health and possible illnesses that you: (a) get unnecessary medical evaluations, (b) become a burden to your family with your constant need for reassurance, and (c) cannot enjoy other aspects of life.
3. You experience panic attacks as a result of your preoccupation with bodily sensation and possible illness.
4. You are unrealistically worried about going broke. This leads you to be unnecessarily tight with money and unwilling to make any financial or career changes. You are preoccupied with keeping what you have at the expense of new investments or projects. You cannot take risks.
5. You go to exorbitant lengths to avoid criminal danger. For example, you avoid going out at night, visiting large cities, traveling on public transportation. Therefore, your life is very restricted.
6. You avoid everyday situations that entail even a slight degree of risk. For example, you avoid elevators, subways, or living in a city where there could be an earthquake.
7. You allow your partner to protect you from your fears. You need a lot of reassurance. Your partner helps you avoid feared situations. You become overly dependent on your partner. You may even resent this dependence.
8. Your chronic anxiety may, in fact, make you more prone to some kinds of psychosomatic illnesses (eg. eczema, asthma, colitis, ulcers, flu)
9. You limit your social life because, as a result of your fears, you cannot do many of the things other people do.
10. You restrict the lives of your partner and family, who have to adapt to your fears.
11. You are likely to pass on your fears to your own children.
12. You may use a variety of coping mechanisms to an exaggerated degree to ward off danger. You may have obsessive compulsive symptoms or superstitious thinking.
13. You may rely excessively on medication, alcohol, food, etc., to reduce your chronic anxiety.

The section above has some flaws. I really don't agree with number 8. And am not enjoying this chapter.

When you weigh the costs and benefits of taking a risk, the overwhelming factors you consider are safety and security. They are more important than any possible gain. Life for you is not a process of seeking fulfillment and joy. Rather, life is a process of trying to contain danger.

1. A psychosomatic disorder is a disease which involves both mind and body. Some physical diseases are thought to be particularly prone to be made worse by mental factors such as stress and anxiety. Your current mental state can affect how bad a physical disease is at any given time.

Curing the body is easy. Fixing the mind is hard.

Changing your vulnerability life trap

1. Try to understand the origins of your lifetrap.
2. Make a list of your specific fears.
3. Develop a hierarchy of feared situations.
4. Meet with the people you love - your spouse, lover, family, friends - and enlist their support in helping you face your fears.
5. Examine the probability of your feared events occurring.
6. Write a flashcard for each fear.
7. Talk to your inner child. Be a strong, brave parent to your child.
8. Practice techniques for relaxation.
9. Begin to tackle each of your fears in imagery.
10. Tackle each fear in real life.
11. Reward yourself for each step you take.

The real reward to overcoming your Vulnerability lifetrap is the expansion of your life. There is so much that you miss because of your fears. The journey out of the Vulnerability lifetrap is a journey back to life.