People cope with the feeling of defectiveness in one or a combination of Surrender, Escape, Counterattack.
Surrender includes all the self-destructive patterns we keep repeating over and over. Is is all the ways we replicate our childhood lives. We are still that child, going through that same old pain. Surrender extends our childhood situation into our adult life. It often leads us to feel hopeless about changing. It is a self-perpetuating loop.
When we escape, we strike a bargain with ourselves. We will not feel pain in the short run, but in the long run we will suffer the consequences of having avoided the issue year after year. We will never get what we want the most - to love and be loved by another human being who really knows us. We give up our emotional life. We do not feel. We walk around numb - unable to experience real pleasure and pain because we avoid confronting problems, we often end up hurting those around us.
Counterattack develops because it offers an alternative to being devalued, criticized and humiliated. Counterattacks appear to be healthy and people fit well with society and are successful in the eyes of other people. They however are usually not at peace with themselves. Counterattacks get in the way of real intimacy were we lose the ability to trust, become vulnerable and connect at a deeper level. Counterattacks never really learn to cope with defeat. They do not take responsibility for their failures or acknowlege their limitations.
No comments:
Post a Comment