Feedback Fundamentals

1. Data (the facts, the objective truth, unarguable)
2. Feelings (mad, sad, glad, ashamed, afraid)
3. Judgments (Your interpretation of what's going on)
4. Wants / Needs (a crisp clear request of what you want)

TERA

The neuroscience of engagement starts when our brain scans for clues about whether a situation offers risk or reward.

Increase the TERA factors to trigger a reward response and increase engagement.
Decrease the TERA factors to trigger a threat response and decreased engagement.

Tribe
Your sense of security with others
Brain asks: Are you with me or against me?
Increase by: Checking in at start of meetings
Decrease by: Maintaining a "professional distance"

Do:
Be mindful of tone
We/Team
Big picture
Social outings
Foster safe env

Don't:
Play favouritism

Expectations
Your ability to predict the future
Brain asks: Do you make it clear or confusing?
Increase by: Creating milestones and expectations
Decrease by: Firefighting and lack of plans

Do:
Measurable
What does success look like
Realistic
Clear

Don't:
Change scope

Rank
Your relative importance to others
Brain asks: Are you higher than me or lower?
Increase by: Asking questions, inviting participation
Decrease by: Giving advice or feedback

Do:
Side by side talk
Share my thoughts
show opinion counts
recognition

Autonomy
Your sense of control over events
Brain asks: Do you limit me or liberate me?
Increase by: Managing by objective (not task)
Decrease by: Micromanaging and limiting choice

Do:
Trust (empowered)
Big picture
Flexibility
Ask more than tell
keep in the look

Don't:
micromanage
hide information
tell me what not how

3 perspectives

Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) suggests that you can't fully understand a situation until you've seen it from three different perspectives

From your perspective
- The easiest place to stand
- Your point of view on what's going on
- What are your feelings. judgments and desires?
- Often mistaken as "the truth"

 From their perspective
- Stand in the shoes of the other person
- What do you notice from this perspective?
- What are the judgments. the feelings and the wants/needs that they might have?
- Increases empathy and understanding
- Lessens the "black and white" of a situation

From the "fly" perspective
- Imagine being a fly on the wall. watching the interaction between you and them.
- What do you notice from here?
- What are the patterns of behavior? what are the roles that are being played?
- Increases the awareness of the system beyond the individual players.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field. I will meet you there" - Rumi. Persian poet

Giving
- clear message
- be open to 2 way feedback
- paint a picture, examples, analytical
- tailored
- built the collateral and create the rapport.
- constructive

Receiving
- ask a lot of questions, provide feedback
- comfortable, open minded, open body language
- eye contact
- listen more than we talk
- be curious


"In theory theory and practice are the same. In practice, they aren't"