Fear

I am afraid of getting to know someone too well.
I am afraid of saying goodbye.


How to inoculate yourself.

- Think of three things you are grateful for at the start of the day.
- Write a 2 minute email praising someone you know.
- Journal about a positive experience.
- Cardio exercise for 30mins / Meditating for two minutes.

Time

Master your time, master your life by Brian Tracy summaries:

Strategic Planning + Goal Setting:
1. Write down 10 goals you want to achieve in the next twelve months.
2. Select the one goal that can have the greatest positive impact on your life and put a circle around it.
3. Make a written plan to achieve this goal.

Productivity:
1. Make a list of everything that you plan to do that day.
2. Prioritize your list and start work on the one activity that represents the most value use of time.
3. Start on the most important task and work until that one task is complete.

Income Improvement:
1. Identify one skill if you were excellent at that would enable you to make a more valuable contribution than any other skill.
2. Set goal to develop this skill, create a learning plan and work till you master this skill no matter how long it takes.
3. Set aside minimum 10 hours per week to learn, study, develop your most important skill.

Spare Time:
1. Power of compounding at work, acquire additional skills during your spare time.
2. Resolve to join the top 20% of income earners in your field.
3. Find what highest earners do in their spare time to stay ahead and then do the same thing over and over until they become habits.

Work Time:
1. Work all the time you work.
2. Leave things off. Use email and text messaging efficiently.
3. Plan your meetings with set agenda, time and plan of action.

Creative Time:
1. Develop absolute clarity of goal you would like to achieve. Create clear mental picture of what life and work would look like when you achieve this goal.
2. Gather information to achieve this goal.
3. Set aside times of silence and reflection so your superconscious mind can work to bring you the answers you need.

Problem Solving + Decision Making:
1. Define the single biggest problem you are wrestling with today in writing.
2. "How can we solve this problem?"
3. Generate 20 different ways to solve this problem and take action immediately on at least one answer.

People and Family:
1. Identify the most important people in your life. Those whose health, happiness and self-esteem are key concerns of yours.
2. Decide on the most important things you could say or do to make them feel happier and more valuable.
3. Resolve today to do or say something every day to someone for the express purpose of making him or her feel more valuable and important.

Rest and Relaxation:
1. Build rest and relaxation schedule into your life. Sleep deprivation hurts you.
2. Plan vacation schedule at the beginning of the year. Plan work responsibilities around it.
3. Book and pay for your vacations early to ensure you never delay or procrastinate.

Quiet Time:
1. Go into silence on a regular basis, once per day if possible. Practice solitude to tune into your higher powers.
2. Practice mindfulness, slowing down to increase your sense of awareness, when you eat, work, and talk with others.
3. Practice meditation for a few minutes each day by closing your eyes while you sit peacefully and let your mind flow like a quiet stream.

Yoga Teacher Training is a Business

Had a terrible experience with yoga teacher training that left me confused, further away from the yoga practice and unsure of what it is all about and unsure of what I am about.

The positive takeaways: 

- met a group of like minded people who believed had a similar goal of learning more about yoga. 

The negative takeaways:

- Pushed my body way too hard. Not what yoga is about.

- Judgemental philosophy teacher. Not what yoga is about.

- Poor management of schedule and no shows. Not what yoga is about.

- Withholding certification and avoidance in communication. Not what yoga is about.

- Not connecting to the teachers. Feeling not good enough. Not what yoga is about.

200 300 or 500 hours of yoga teacher training is not going to make you a yoga teacher. Yoga is a process and a journey to connect with spiritual and philosophical traditions and a way of life that western society has adapted as an exercise routine. Since yoga is not my roots and I am not from a culture or country where yoga originates or belongs to it only makes sense to dedicate one's life into finding a teacher to continuously learn from.

Memorizing sanskrit and anatomy terminology is not something that resonates with me. There is a certain uncomfortable knot in my stomach when chants are sang in classes. Pursing that goal pose is not the point of yoga, healing from trauma is not the point of yoga. Yoga is about union. It's about being open. I entered yoga teacher training not aware of how far I still needed to go for personal acceptance and inner peace. I left confused and conflicted with my own spirituality, growth and healing.

The intention I set for myself was to heal and partake in something for self growth. Instead I left feeling more vulnerable than before. But now I recognize my limitations, my inner voice is telling me it sucks that you had a terrible experience, because now you know what you are about and you can accept that there is a time and place. I am mostly upset because I have invested time and money into something I love only to find out that there is a dark side to yoga as well. It is a business, it is a business that western society has capitalized as an expensive form of exercise and relaxation. Now that I have gone through training, I have the basic tools to develop my practice anytime anywhere.

I still love yoga. I still love the intention behind the practice. I still love the peace it brings to the mind and body.

Out of the Blue

A story about workplace depression
from a women
of Chinese descent
living in Toronto.

The author highlighted a list of things I could resonate with. And its often the similarities we remember.

• Crying uncontrollably. There was a time where I cried every single day for a few month. I would have public melt downs when things got difficult. I couldn't put up a brave face. Every little thing became so difficult. 
• Unable to do the little things. I was afraid of getting phone calls from the insurance company. I was afraid of hearing anything from work. I was afraid of crossing the border every time I had a doctors checkup. I was tired of any social interactions
• No confidence. I didn't believe in myself anymore. How did I become this weak person when all my past experiences said otherwise. I didn't know who I was anymore. We are so often defined by what we do but not who we are. Was I still good enough?
• Struggle with Short Term Disability. The experiences were like talking to a debt collector. You are already in such a vulnerable state and the system is designed to eat away at the vulnerable you. How are you expected to get better.
• Lashing out a people. I felt the whole world had abandoned me. For god sakes even my body and mind has abandoned me. Left in no mans land to fend for myself every little thing that someone did or did not do was killing me. 
• Hypersensitive. I questioned everyones intentions. Couldn't they see how bad things were for me. Every comment telling me I didn't look sick, or you looked better, or I know so and so had the same thing and they are doing much better ate away at me. I just wanted someone to feel my pain. I didn't understand my pain. How could I expect my Doctor or parents or closest friends to. The healthy me had to learn to empathize with the sick me. 

The bias of looking for things to support our ideas. I heard a line recently from a debate show "QiPaShuo" from one of the co-host where I couldn't agree more. When we seek advise or opinion, we are meerly looking for evidence to support our already established point of view. It is similar to the phenomenon where I buy a new car, and all of a sudden all i see is my new car on the road. We somehow are programmed to see only the things we already see. So are we just looking for someone to confirm and agree with us?


From her story, it highlighted the effects of depression and the huge stigma society has on mental illness. But I am very envious of her.

Throughout her ordeal, she had her supportive husband, sons, sister, father, friends, doctors. She was financially well enough to see a psychiatrist, travel and make many trip. And in the end the company and union went to arbitration producing the desired outcomes for the author. Not many people are fortunate. Financial burden and unsupported family can cause people to spiral back into continuous depression.

Delegation and Empowerment

Delegation is a developmental process for both the delegator and the delegatee. It's built upon a two-way relationship. The style and substance will differ depending on the chaining capabilities, commitment and need of both individuals - as well as specific circumstances.

Capability: knowledge and skills. Can be gained by training, experience and education. Can be developed with appropriate direction and support. It's not something that you are born with - it is something that you learn. Example: Everyone can learn how to deliver on their accountabilities and objectives.

Commitment: A combination of confidence and interest/enthusiasm for doing something well. It can't be taught, but it can be ignited (understand their motivation, recognition and reward)

Low Capacity, High Commitment (new hire)
Low Capacity, Low Commitment (re-org)
Moderate to High Capability and Variable Commitment (long time)
High Capability, High Commitment


Help Others Be Successful: Check in Questions
Tell me what is going well?
What are you learning about yourself?
What are the challenges and how will you overcome them?
What should we change?
Can I throw an observation your way? I have a sense that maybe ... is there anything to that?
How are you progressing?
What's causing this?
What support can I give you?
I don't have the answer to ... let's figure this out together.


Assess: Prepare before delegation discussion

Clearly define the work to be delegates and why it's important.
How will success be measured?
What capability is required? What commitment is required?
What resources, support, training does delegator need to provide?
Timelines, is it sufficient? aggressive?
Who has the capability now?
What current strengths can they leverage?
What new things will they learn/develop?


Responsibility: Jointly discuss, gain clarity and mutually agree on responsibilities

How much decision making authority does delegated have?
What and when would there be escalation?
How will delegator support, monitor? How often?
How will we communicate progress? How often?
How will delegator support, recognize, and reward?

Action Plan and Execution: Driven by delegates

What is the work?
When will it be completed? Is the date firm?
How will you do it?
How will you measure success?
Additional information and resources
Check in, listen, support. Go back to Assess as required.


Debrief: After work completed

What were the outcomes?
What did we learn?

Emotional Intelligence

Self awareness:

We judge ourselves by our intentions.
Others judge us by our impact.

Intention -> Emotion -> Impact

Emotional Hijack Consequences
- Loss of perspective and ability to think creatively and strategically
- Imbalanced focus on tasks over our relationships
- Close-mindedness and reduced ability to adapt and think flexibly
- Binary thinking (right/wrong, yes/no) creating blaming and victim environments

pre-frontal cortex: cognitive
Amygdala: emotional, 100x faster, 18mins to cool down

Emotional management:

Stop and Label (take a break)

Oxygenate (deep breath)

Seek Information (self first and then others)

Real or perceived threat

Replace certainty with curiosity

ask questions to clarify situation

What drives emotions? (SCARF)

Status - success

Certainty - safety

Autonomy - control

Relatedness - included

Fairness - dignity

Emotional Connection:

Bridging Conversations

1. Start from their side of the bridge 

2. Look for solutions, Label, Listen

3. Understanding gap

4. My understanding of the situation.

Value Cards

• Unsolicited Input
• Positive Attitude
• Personal Sacrifice
• Prompt Replies to Request
• Empathy
• Feedback
• Support
• Extra Effort
• Passion
• Sound Advice
• Vision
• Acceptance
• The benefit of the doubt
• Suggestions
• Basic Information
• Respect
• Warnings and Words of Caution
• Encouragement
• Trust
• Innovations

Feedback Fundamentals

1. Data (the facts, the objective truth, unarguable)
2. Feelings (mad, sad, glad, ashamed, afraid)
3. Judgments (Your interpretation of what's going on)
4. Wants / Needs (a crisp clear request of what you want)

TERA

The neuroscience of engagement starts when our brain scans for clues about whether a situation offers risk or reward.

Increase the TERA factors to trigger a reward response and increase engagement.
Decrease the TERA factors to trigger a threat response and decreased engagement.

Tribe
Your sense of security with others
Brain asks: Are you with me or against me?
Increase by: Checking in at start of meetings
Decrease by: Maintaining a "professional distance"

Do:
Be mindful of tone
We/Team
Big picture
Social outings
Foster safe env

Don't:
Play favouritism

Expectations
Your ability to predict the future
Brain asks: Do you make it clear or confusing?
Increase by: Creating milestones and expectations
Decrease by: Firefighting and lack of plans

Do:
Measurable
What does success look like
Realistic
Clear

Don't:
Change scope

Rank
Your relative importance to others
Brain asks: Are you higher than me or lower?
Increase by: Asking questions, inviting participation
Decrease by: Giving advice or feedback

Do:
Side by side talk
Share my thoughts
show opinion counts
recognition

Autonomy
Your sense of control over events
Brain asks: Do you limit me or liberate me?
Increase by: Managing by objective (not task)
Decrease by: Micromanaging and limiting choice

Do:
Trust (empowered)
Big picture
Flexibility
Ask more than tell
keep in the look

Don't:
micromanage
hide information
tell me what not how

3 perspectives

Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) suggests that you can't fully understand a situation until you've seen it from three different perspectives

From your perspective
- The easiest place to stand
- Your point of view on what's going on
- What are your feelings. judgments and desires?
- Often mistaken as "the truth"

 From their perspective
- Stand in the shoes of the other person
- What do you notice from this perspective?
- What are the judgments. the feelings and the wants/needs that they might have?
- Increases empathy and understanding
- Lessens the "black and white" of a situation

From the "fly" perspective
- Imagine being a fly on the wall. watching the interaction between you and them.
- What do you notice from here?
- What are the patterns of behavior? what are the roles that are being played?
- Increases the awareness of the system beyond the individual players.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field. I will meet you there" - Rumi. Persian poet

Giving
- clear message
- be open to 2 way feedback
- paint a picture, examples, analytical
- tailored
- built the collateral and create the rapport.
- constructive

Receiving
- ask a lot of questions, provide feedback
- comfortable, open minded, open body language
- eye contact
- listen more than we talk
- be curious


"In theory theory and practice are the same. In practice, they aren't"